Dear Mexican Waiters,

Thank you for being so friendly at the restaurants. The service was always stellar. However I thought I would point out that it’s quite silly to put my napkin on my lap when I enter a buffet. There is no possible way for food to get to my table without having to get up to get it. Thus, after you take my drink order, I must take off the nicely folded napkin and discard it on the table like bad poetry from a grade 9 drama class. If you are looking for something to do with your hands while welcoming us to the restaurant, may I suggest shadow puppets?

Always Sun Burnt,
- Señor Wes

Dear British Tourists,

It is true your accent is very fun to listen to. I do enjoy pretending I’m watching a documentary on the History channel when you begin to monologue. However, this is not licence to tell everyone at the resort your views on American politics or your comparative analysis of England versus the former colonies. Although educational I’m sure, I came to Mexico to have my eyes burned by the salty ocean, not my ears about how I have failed as a son of Britannia.

Your Canadian Cousin,
- Wes

Dear Overprotective American Mothers who have their kids in both water wings, life vest, and a floating waist ring only after escorting them to the pool on leash,

Stop, Please.

- Wes